Chapter 4

WORK AND FRIENDS

4.1. Is my boss a narcissist?

A boss with strong narcissistic traits may regularly take credit for work that you or your team completed while avoiding responsibility when something goes wrong. They may need constant admiration and praise and become uncomfortable when someone else receives recognition.

They may micromanage your work, control small decisions, blame employees for failures, or become angry when their decisions are questioned. Favouritism can also become part of the workplace dynamic, with certain employees receiving better treatment because they flatter or support the boss.

A difficult boss is not automatically a narcissist. Look for a repeated pattern of entitlement, lack of empathy, manipulation, blame-shifting, and excessive need for admiration.

Protect yourself by keeping records of important work, including dates, instructions, completed tasks, and significant conversations. Where appropriate, communicate important matters in writing so there is a clear record.

Keep your interactions professional and avoid sharing unnecessary personal information that could later be used against you. Build healthy relationships with trustworthy colleagues, understand your workplace policies and rights, and know how to access appropriate support such as HR or another reporting channel.

If the environment remains harmful, quietly consider your options and develop an exit plan rather than waiting until you are completely exhausted.

4.2. Is my co-worker a narcissist?

A co-worker with strong narcissistic traits may constantly seek recognition and try to make themselves appear more successful than everyone else. They may take credit for your ideas or work, refuse to cooperate as part of a team, gossip about colleagues, or put others down to make themselves look better.

They may be extremely charming and respectful toward senior management while treating colleagues very differently in private. When something goes wrong, they may quickly blame someone else rather than accepting responsibility.

Workplace competition can be normal, but a repeated pattern of manipulation, dishonesty, credit-stealing, and undermining others can create a toxic environment.

Protect yourself by documenting your contributions and keeping important communication professional. Avoid getting pulled into gossip or workplace drama.

Focus on your work, communicate clearly, and maintain healthy relationships with trustworthy colleagues. Let your work speak for itself rather than entering unnecessary competition.

4.3. Is my friend a narcissist?

A friendship with someone who has strong narcissistic traits may feel extremely one-sided. You may spend hours listening to their problems, while they give you only a few minutes when you need support.

They may constantly need attention, reassurance, praise, or emotional support but show little empathy when you are struggling. When you begin talking about your own life, they may quickly change the subject and make the conversation about themselves again.

They may also become jealous when you succeed or become angry when you establish reasonable boundaries.

A friendship should not leave one person constantly giving while the other constantly takes.

Healthy friendship is generally mutual. Both people should have space to speak, be supported, celebrate each other's achievements, and feel emotionally safe.

If you repeatedly leave interactions feeling drained, ignored, guilty, or unimportant, take those feelings seriously and examine the pattern rather than dismissing them.

4.4. Is my best friend a narcissist?

A best friend may become an important part of your emotional support system, which makes narcissistic or manipulative behaviour particularly painful.

A friend with strong narcissistic traits may have a history of making situations about themselves, failing to support you during difficult periods, using personal secrets against you, or expecting you to agree with them all the time.

They may become jealous of your other friendships, compete with your achievements, or act as though your success somehow threatens them.

Because you have known each other for a long time, it can be tempting to dismiss these behaviours as “just the way they are.”

Instead, look at the pattern over several years. Does your friend genuinely celebrate your happiness? Can they listen when you are struggling? Can they admit when they have hurt you? Can they apologize without blaming you?

A healthy best friend does not have to be perfect. They should, however, be capable of mutual support, accountability, respect, and genuine happiness for you.

4.5. Is my friend group narcissistic?

A friend group can develop an unhealthy dynamic when one person consistently controls the group, decides who is included, spreads gossip, creates drama, or needs to be the centre of attention.

You may notice that certain people are regularly excluded or that everyone feels pressured to agree with the dominant person. The group may use social rejection as punishment when someone disagrees.

You may begin feeling anxious before gatherings because you are afraid of saying the wrong thing or being pushed out of the group.

Healthy friendships allow people to have different opinions, personalities, interests, and boundaries. You should be able to be yourself without constantly worrying that you will be rejected for not conforming.

If a group repeatedly makes you feel unsafe, anxious, or unworthy, it may be healthier to step back and build relationships with people who appreciate you as you are.

4.6. Is my business partner a narcissist?

A business partner with strong narcissistic traits may take credit for shared achievements while blaming you or other people when the business experiences problems.

They may want to be the public face of the business, control financial decisions, dominate important discussions, or behave as though they are entitled to a larger share of recognition, money, or authority.

They may also struggle with empathy when their decisions negatively affect you or other employees.

Because business relationships involve money, legal responsibilities, and long-term commitments, protecting yourself practically is extremely important.

Use clear written contracts that define responsibilities, ownership, decision-making authority, financial arrangements, and what happens if the partnership ends.

Keep accurate documentation and maintain appropriate financial records. Where possible and legally appropriate, separate personal and business finances.

Do not rely solely on verbal promises. If serious financial or legal issues arise, consider obtaining independent legal or financial advice.

4.7. Is my neighbour a narcissist?

A neighbour with strong narcissistic traits may believe they are entitled to control shared spaces, community decisions, or other people's behaviour.

They may create unnecessary arguments over parking, noise, boundaries, property, visitors, or community matters. They may demand respect while showing little consideration for other people's needs.

They may also create drama by involving other neighbours, spreading gossip, or attempting to make themselves appear like the victim.

Not every difficult neighbour is narcissistic. Focus on repeated behaviour rather than a single disagreement.

If interaction is unavoidable, keep communication brief, polite, and neutral. The grey rock method may be useful when someone repeatedly attempts to provoke emotional reactions.

If there is harassment, intimidation, threats, property damage, or another serious issue, document what happens and use the appropriate formal channels rather than trying to resolve everything through personal confrontation.

4.8. Is my church leader a narcissist?

A church or spiritual leader with strong narcissistic traits may have an intense need for admiration, authority, and special treatment. They may use guilt, shame, fear, or religious teachings to pressure people into obeying them.

They may present themselves publicly as extremely humble, holy, or caring while behaving very differently toward people privately.

They may resist accountability, become angry when questioned, expect special treatment, or use their position to silence criticism.

Spiritual authority should never be used as a weapon to control people.

A healthy spiritual leader can demonstrate humility, accountability, compassion, and a willingness to listen. They understand that leadership is a responsibility rather than a licence for personal power.

If you are concerned about a church leader, consider speaking with a trusted person outside that person's immediate circle of influence. Where appropriate, use established safeguarding, leadership, or reporting procedures.

4.9. Is my teacher a narcissist?

A teacher with strong narcissistic traits may demand respect and admiration while failing to show respect toward students. They may shame students publicly, play favourites, become angry when questioned, or need to appear like the smartest or most important person in the classroom.

They may struggle to acknowledge mistakes and may blame students when something goes wrong.

However, teachers can have different teaching styles, and strictness alone does not mean narcissism. Look for repeated patterns of humiliation, unfair treatment, lack of accountability, manipulation, and disregard for students' wellbeing.

If you are experiencing inappropriate or harmful treatment, keep a record of significant incidents and speak with a trusted parent, guardian, school administrator, counsellor, or another appropriate teacher.

You do not have to handle serious mistreatment alone.

4.10. Is my coach a narcissist?

A coach with strong narcissistic traits may need to be the star of the team rather than focusing on the development of the players.

They may take credit when the team wins but blame individual players when the team loses. They may use fear, humiliation, threats, or excessive criticism to control athletes and may show favouritism toward players who make them look successful.

A healthy coach understands that their role is not simply to produce victories. They also help players develop discipline, confidence, teamwork, resilience, and character.

A coach can be demanding while still being respectful.

If coaching consistently leaves you afraid, humiliated, or worthless, talk to a trusted adult, parent, school official, club administrator, or other appropriate person.

4.11. Is my friend jealous of me?

A jealous friend may struggle to celebrate your achievements genuinely. Instead of saying, “I am happy for you,” they may respond with a backhanded compliment such as, “Well, you must be lucky,” or “It must be nice.”

They may compete with you immediately after you share good news, copy something you have done and later claim they did it first, or become distant or silent when you succeed.

Jealousy itself is a normal human emotion. The concern is what someone repeatedly does because of that jealousy.

A healthy friend can experience jealousy and still choose to support you. They do not need to destroy your happiness to feel better about themselves.

Share your successes with people who genuinely celebrate you. You deserve friendships where your happiness is not treated as a threat.

4.12. Is my friend using me for supply?

A friendship may become one-sided when someone contacts you primarily when they need something from you.

They may call when they need emotional support, someone to listen to their problems, a favour, money, practical help, attention, admiration, or reassurance. When you need support, however, they may disappear, change the subject, or suddenly become too busy.

You may feel as though you are their emotional support system but they are not yours.

One isolated incident does not prove that someone is using you. Look at the pattern over several months.

Ask yourself: Are they interested in me as a person, or mainly in what I provide for them? Do they show up when I need them? Do they remember important things about my life? Is there mutual effort?

Healthy friendship involves give and take.

4.13. Is my work environment toxic?

A toxic work environment may involve constant drama, gossip, bullying, favouritism, credit-stealing, fear, poor communication, and management that repeatedly ignores harmful behaviour.

You may notice that you feel anxious before work, dread Sunday evenings, struggle to sleep because you are thinking about work, or feel emotionally exhausted after every shift.

One stressful period does not necessarily mean the entire workplace is toxic. Look for persistent patterns that affect multiple employees or continue despite reasonable attempts to address them.

Protect yourself by documenting important incidents, keeping copies of relevant work communications where appropriate, and building supportive relationships outside the workplace.

Learn about your workplace policies and your legal or employment rights. If the environment does not improve, quietly develop an exit plan so that you have options rather than feeling trapped.

Your job is important, but your wellbeing matters too.

4.14. Is my friend gaslighting me?

A friend may be gaslighting you if they repeatedly deny things they clearly said or did, insist that events happened differently, tell you that you are “too sensitive,” or make you question your own memory and judgment.

They may deny making hurtful comments and later tell you that you imagined them. They may repeatedly cause you to apologize even when you originally raised a legitimate concern.

They might also tell other people that you are unstable, dramatic, or unable to remember things properly.

One disagreement about what happened is not automatically gaslighting. The concern is a repeated pattern in which your perception is systematically undermined.

Keep a private journal of important events when appropriate and safe. Record dates, facts, and what was said rather than relying only on your memory after an emotionally difficult interaction.

Talk to trusted friends who can provide an outside perspective.

A healthy friend may disagree with your memory of an event, but they should still be willing to discuss the disagreement respectfully rather than deliberately making you doubt your sanity.

4.15. Is my friend a covert narcissist?

A friend with covert narcissistic traits may appear shy, humble, insecure, or like a victim while still needing considerable attention, reassurance, and validation.

They may frequently say things such as, “Nobody likes me,” or “Nobody appreciates me,” hoping that you will reassure them repeatedly.

They may use passive-aggressive comments to express resentment, make you feel guilty for spending time with other friends, or become jealous when you have other relationships.

Their criticism may be subtle and disguised as concern or humour. They may say something that sounds caring on the surface but leaves you feeling inadequate or guilty.

For example, instead of directly saying they are angry that you spent time with someone else, they may say, “It is fine. I guess you have better friends now.”

Look for a consistent pattern rather than one insecure moment. Everyone can feel jealous, hurt, or insecure sometimes.

The important question is whether the friendship repeatedly leaves you feeling responsible for the other person's emotions, guilty for having your own life, or afraid to establish normal boundaries.

A healthy friend can express hurt directly, respect your other relationships, and allow you to have independence without punishing you for it.